Name: The Social Media Spiral | Real Talk ft. Dr. Tesneem Alkiek
Uploaded: 2025-12-24T19:30:30.000Z
Channel: Dr. Tesneem Alkiek
Description: Social media is built to be addictive. It harms our mental health and damages our self-worth. We all know this...but it's still so hard to disconnect. Join Dr. Tesneem Alkiek and host Qaanitah Hunter to explore the dangers (and some of the benefits) that social media adds to our lives and learn...

Introduction: The Social Media Dilemma

Personal Experiences with Social Media

The Distortion of Reality

The Addictive Design of Social Media

Social Media's Impact on Self-Perception

Islamic Perspective on Social Media

Practical Steps to Reevaluate Social Media Use

<p>Social media is built to be addictive. It harms our mental health and damages our self-worth. We all know this...but it&apos;s still so hard to disconnect. Join Dr. Tesneem Alkiek and host Qaanitah Hunter to explore the dangers (and some of the benefits) that social media adds to our lives and learn practical ways to build a healthier relationship with it.</p>

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Dr. Tesneem Alkiek

Overwhelmed by the Quran: A Common Struggle

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This section includes theoretical and empirical research on parenting, education, culture, marriage, and other content related to social interactions.

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In this conversation, Dr. Tesneem Alkiek addresses common challenges Muslims face when trying to build a relationship with the Qur'an, particularly before Ramadan. She begins by introducing the concept of a 'God image' — how one perceives Allah — explaining that it is shaped both by explicit religious teachings (the mind) and by early attachment experiences with parents (the heart). A negative God image can make engaging with the Qur'an feel overwhelming, but Dr. Alkiek offers practical remedies: seeking righteous companionship, learning about the Prophet's (ﷺ) character, and most importantly, studying Allah's names and attributes as He describes Himself in the Qur'an, including who He loves. She addresses difficult verses about punishment by contextualizing them through real-world injustice, arguing that Allah's justice is something to appreciate, not fear. She shares personal examples from her research on divorce verses and Surah At-Tawbah, showing how paying attention to the divine names mentioned at the end of legal verses reveals Allah's presence, care, and awareness. On building a practical relationship with the Qur'an, Dr. Alkiek strongly advises against the 'all-or-nothing' approach of dropping everything to memorize, instead advocating for starting small — even two pages a day — and gradually building a consistent daily habit. She memorized the Qur'an herself over several years using this incremental method. She also highlights worldly benefits of Qur'anic engagement, including improved memory, focus, discipline, and emotional self-regulation, drawing on the book 'Deep Work' to illustrate how memorization trains the brain. A personal story about forgiving a friend illustrates how knowing Allah's attributes — such as al-Halim (the Forbearing) and al-Ghafur (the Forgiving) — transforms one's character and interactions. She concludes by citing a hadith that each verse recited earns a rank in paradise, and another that entire communities are uplifted or brought low based on their relationship with the Qur'an.

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Exploring Hadith: Asma bint Yazid's Story

Scientific Evidence and Hadith Interpretation

Contextualizing Hadith: Women and Hellfire

Self-Reflection and Differentiation

Understanding Context in Religious Texts

Gender and Misinterpretation in Hadith

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Struggling with Faith and Identity

College: A Turning Point

Questioning and Rediscovering Islam

Embracing Imperfection in Faith

Inspiration and Life Advice

Striving in Faith

Embracing Individual Strengths

The Value of Community

Introduction: The Mental Health Puzzle

The Workout Class Metaphor

Societal Sentiments and Moral Relativism

Historical Context: From Reformation to Enlightenment

The Impact of Moral Relativism Today

The Power of Forgiveness

Conclusion: Putting God at the Center

Introduction: The Feminist Debate

Defining Feminism and Its Challenges

Islam and Feminism: Are They Compatible?

Gender Antagonism and Power Dynamics

Personal Experiences and Attitudes

Solutions and Optimism

Conclusion: Building Community and Sisterhood

Introduction: Feeling Anxious About Ibadah

The Trap of Hustle Culture in Worship

The Anxiety of Spiritual Highs and Crashes

The Hadith That Changed Everything

Moving the Branch: Small Acts, Big Rewards

Finding Balance: Goals vs. Moderation

The Woman Who Prayed Too Much

Consistency Over Intensity

The Companions Who Wanted to Do More

Sleep and Breaks as Acts of Worship

Pushing Yourself vs. Bare Minimum

What to Do When You're Spiritually Burnt Out

Missing Your Night Prayer: Keep Pushing

Conclusion

Introduction to Hustle Culture

The Pressure of Productivity

The Elusive American Dream

Finding Purpose Beyond Success

The Impact of Faith and Reflection

Reevaluating Legacy and Impact

Conclusion and Call to Action

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Historical Perspectives: Women in Islamic Scholarship

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Modern Reflections: Correcting Misinterpretations

Vision Beyond Gender

Standpoint Theory and Gendered Experiences

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Empowerment and Attitude Shift

Meeting Expectations vs. Reality

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First Impressions and Surprises

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High School Moments and Confidence

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Real Talk Series

Alaikum, how much time do you spend on social media every day? Like 8? Minutes? Hours! That's a full-time job! I think we need to talk about it. Is social media good or bad? It depends on how you use it. I'll tell you how I use it. A lot. And I started thinking about my relationship with social media a few years ago when I went to Europe. I was posting and snapping and sharing Instagrams. But at that time, I was probably going through the worst period of my life. And a friend of mine sends me this message and she says, Your life looks perfect. Wow, you're having such a great time in Paris. And I told her myself, she didn't see the part where I was sitting on a bench in the Louvre crying my eyes out. And she wouldn't have known because all I was posting was the lovely coffees I was having and the beautiful views. And there was no way to tell that actually I was deeply, deeply depressed at that time. It's crazy, like the distortions that social media can cause. If you see us here today, you would think that we're having the world's perfect day. But you didn't catch me snapping at Hani that two minutes before we started this. Or the fact that I overslept this morning. Or that we started at 5 a.m. and had a long day. Social media has this effect to distort reality. And the added effect is that it distorts our perception of what is reality. In the sense that it distorts what our expectations are for ourselves and how we look and where we are and what we do. What do you mean by that? So think about even the way you look. Because now social media, you're getting on there and now there's a standard that's unrealistic. In fact, it's manufactured. You mean how people look, what people are doing, how they're feeling, everything, right? So I remember in high school, this is sort of not that old. When social media started, it had been sort of up and running at this point. And I remember just looking in the mirror once and thinking to myself, like, man, I wish I had this feature, I wish I didn't have this feature. I look like someone else. And it was interesting because a couple of years later, what ended up happening was that I traveled to this country where they all essentially do plastic surgery and look exactly the same. I was like, you guys all look the same and no one looks good. And I started to realize, your peculiar features define who you are. They're a part of who you are and you lose that when we all look the same. And frankly, they didn't seem like they were any happier, right? But again, social media exacerbates this effect in terms of its distortion. But is it really a social media problem or is it a human problem? I mean, I think it's a bit of both, right? But I think that social media, probably 100x is it, if not significantly more, right? Break it down. What is social media actually doing to us? So think about it. Okay, so social media, the way it's designed is like a slot machine. It's literally designed with the same... Like what you'd find in a casino. Exactly, what you'd find in a casino. So when you try to scroll down, you get that loop-de-loop that you're sitting and waiting for the new content to pop up. All taken from the gambling scene, right? The desire for the likes, the comments, the notifications. You know that really good feeling when it's like, pop, let someone message you. Pop, someone likes something, right? This is not some innocent experience, right? What ends up happening is that your brain starts to release dopamine, the feel-good addictive chemical. And the problem of course is that now, I'm getting my validation, my source of self-worth, of confidence through social media, right? But is it the social media platforms or is it just us, how we use it? It's a little bit of both. But we need to recognize that social media, the platform itself was designed, right? This was not like, oh, coincidentally, now it's designed to make you addictive. We have documentaries now revealing the absolute intention to create these pathways in your brain. And it's terrifying because the research now done on adolescent girls, right? So especially, we're talking 8 to 15-ish. Because their brains at that age have not yet been developed, this is actually having an effect on their brain development, their perception of their self, their perception of reality. This is not like, oh, it's not good for you, probably should get off. It's like, oh, well, this has serious long-term consequences. This is that deep, though. It's that deep. I would argue to the end that it's that deep. But it's not like an all or nothing situation. I think what I want to stress is you need to just be aware so that when you are using social media, you're mindful of it. So what are some other side effects? Okay, so we got social media. And then let's mix it up with the beauty industry worth over $400 billion. And so, of course, social media is profiting or the beauty industry is profiting off your presence as well on social media becau…

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