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How to Deal With Angry People | Khutbah by Sh. Mohammad Elshinawy
How did the Prophet ﷺ deal with the leader of the hypocrites, Ibn Salul? In this khutbah, sh. Mohammad Elshinawy shares a timeless lesson on dealing with angry people, without compromising Islamic values.
This transcript was auto-generated using AI and may contain misspellings.
00:00After praising Allah and testifying to his unique oneness and perfection, and to the
00:11finality of prophethood being in Muhammad, and after welcoming my brothers and sisters
00:17to the house of Allah, the mighty and majestic, brothers and sisters, in last week's khutbah,
00:26we spoke about how the Prophet (ﷺ) took the young black boy, Usama ibn Zayd ibn Haritha
00:36behind him on the donkey and rode through Medina to visit his sick friend Sa'd ibn Ubadah. And he stopped by a gathering of Muslims and non-Muslims, and in that gathering, someone
00:49that was seething with hate and envy because the Prophet stole his shine (ﷺ) by coming to Medina when he was about to be crowned king. This person started being very dramatic about how there's so much dust, get the donkey away
01:03from here, even the donkey smells bad, what is this, stay in your home, if we want to come to you, don't bring it here, we'll come ask you about your storytelling escapades.
01:13And we spoke about how this was already a symbol of how he (ﷺ) gave a chance for youth to blossom by engaging them in these very serious social and political engagements.
01:28And also how he purged racism from a very racist society by not just giving speeches about it, but demonstrating what it looks like to have Usama with me in my ride, on my animal.
01:41But I want to stop here moving forward in that hadith at the provoker, at Ibn Salul, this man that was acting to be so offended, the Prophet (ﷺ) teaches us a priceless
01:54lesson in how to deal with angry people. And I hope the relevance is obvious, because they have dubbed this day in age, the age of rage.
02:06This is the age when everyone gets offended so fast. This is the age when everyone is so irritable. And so he taught us a golden timeless lesson through Ibn Salul on how to deal with angry
02:19people, which is what you don't engage them. The man was doing all of this and the Prophet (ﷺ) acted like he was doing none of this.
02:31He simply dismounted off the donkey and walked over to the crowd and said, assalamu alaykum in general, blanket, assalamu alaykum to everyone. And that was it. He did not engage him.
02:45He did not say, where am I going to ride my animal? There's dust everywhere. Should I ride it on top of a cloud? He didn't say, why didn't you do a better job sweeping? Or why didn't you water the area?
02:57You know, sometimes when, especially when people are being unreasonable and petty, the urge, the temptation to just snap back with a witty response is so strong, but he knew better (ﷺ).
03:11He knew and recognized that this was not going to be a rational discussion. This is someone who's frustrated. This is someone, an individual that has grievances. And so there is no point in engaging.
03:24That is the wisest thing to do. You know, that's only the first of many wisdoms that to engage an angry person is pointless. It's pointless.
03:35You know, in laboratory science nowadays, they talk about like, you know, adrenaline, like the hormones and the neurotransmitters and how in an instant they flood your body once your anger flares.
03:46And I'm not going to risk sabotaging the khutbah and making it too dense, speaking about this subject, let alone a subject I'm not well versed in. But the idea is very simple.
03:56What these experts speak on is that we can see it as clear as day now, how when someone is triggered on someone, they call it emotional flooding because you're actually flooded. You're chemically, hormonally, you're flooded, right?
04:10Like your, your body changes in an instant. And people say this, like when I'm angry, I don't know what's wrong with me. My heart is racing, right? You are in fight or flight mode. We all know adrenaline, your adrenaline is pumping, right? And so the blood is being rushed to your muscles.
04:24So you can sort of defend yourself or run away. It's leaving your brain. So the, the, the angry brain, the survival brain is activated. The muscles are activated. The thinking brain is gone, does not exist in that moment.
04:38It is only later when someone calms down and sort of the hormone levels go down that the thinking brain is reactivated. It's back in charge. Then and only then can a person regret what they did.
04:52Then and only then can a person begin to consider how the other person may have been seeing it. The other perspective when they're flooded, it's just a bad time for math problems, for meaningful conversations. No, no, no.
05:05Only later they might try to repair the damage they did. This is why you shouldn't get angry by the way, because you can't always repair the damage, but we're talking about how when someone else is angry, you should recognize that it is
05:17pointless to try to reason with emotion or against emotion. He taught us that, and this is a golden rule in relationships, by the way, you know, they
05:27say in marriage, anything that is said in anger doesn't count. Try to live by that. It'll help you a lot. It doesn't count because right now the person is angry, which means they're going to interpret
05:41everything you say as a deliberate attempt to hurt them as an attack. Anything you say for the most part can and will be used against you. So what is the solution? Solution is just to wait.
05:53Solution is sort of like maybe the power of touch if they're a family member, right? That's the only way. You don't hold it against them. You wait till they calm down because they're going to spite you back because they're interpreting it as you're deliberately trying to spite me.
06:07It's pointless to try to engage that. The second wisdom of this teaching is that if a person, when they calm down, fail to recant, fail to regret and apologize, you've still won.
06:20You've won by being a walking Quran, like your Prophet, or at least momentarily. So momentarily a walking Quran because what he did was Quran.
06:35The servants of the most merciful, the most gracious, they walk so gently with humility on this earth and when the foolish address them, meaning with foolishness, we're not justifying their behavior. I'm not defending them.
06:48The Quran is calling it foolish. When it's foolish, they say peace. I'm out of here. Salaam alaikum. Got nothing to do with this, right?
06:58Your virtue shines by not reciprocating because when you go to that level, it means you're in approval of that behavior, right? But then when you rise above it, it makes you look great.
07:10And of course we want to look great in Allah's eyes before people's eyes, but even in people's eyes, it's beneficial.
07:16It was reported in the Diwan of Imam Al-Shafi'i that he said,
07:26that the foolish person addresses me with such vulgarity, such disrespect, and I hate it for myself. I see myself above that. I hate it for myself to be someone that responds to this kind of discourse.
07:40I hate it for myself to be a responder to something like that.
07:44He says, the more he increases in foolishness and I increase in tolerance, it is like that
07:56incense stick that the more you increasingly burn it, the better it smells. It points to your virtue to not reciprocate. The third wisdom in not engaging someone in their moment of rage, in their moment of anger,
08:09is that it protects your focus. What should be our focus? What was the Prophet's focus?
08:16He was laser focused on pulling as many people as possible away from Allah's punishment, right? I can't let anyone or anything crowd that. There's no room here for defending me or making it about me.
08:31I have a mission. You know, we have many youth here with the schools closed. Nothing should distract you from that mission. Not the desire to get back at someone who hurt you. Not the desire to just fit in the crowd.
08:45You have a mission. Even if they see you less, you know that you are more by Allah's grace and you want to bring people to more goodness, more salvation, more life and afterlife. Nothing should distract you from that.
09:00And that's what he did. He refused to be distracted, defend himself, anything. He just proceeded. I'm here to share some Quran with people. Nothing's going to stop me. Go in your house, not doing that. I'm here to read.
09:14And you better be sure that even the people that heard him that did not become Muslim that day got moved a step closer to becoming Muslim one day. You have to be sure of this. And even him, he was forced to say what?
09:26In the Hadith we read to you last week, there's nothing better than what you say. Because he sees people's faces. They recognize, they're impressed. He said, look, there's nothing greater than this. If it's true, that's what he was able to sneak in. Stay home and whoever wants more will come to you.
09:41Don't call us, we'll call you. And so being focused. And you know, it is so powerful to see him not just concerned with the people that are sitting there. He was even concerned with Ibn Salul himself. You don't want to overlook that.
09:55Because Ibn Salul, why don't you want to overlook that? Was not like he was the chief hypocrite. He was a pagan that when the Muslims became powerful, started playing on both sides of
10:06the fence, started faking to be Muslim, to conspire against Islam. This man was a menace. There's no other way to say it. This hypocrite was also a menace, meaning he was not like a hypocrite in the privacy of his home, right?
10:20This was a man that every single moment in the Prophet's life, when it was time to take sides, if there was any sides to be taken, he'd take the side of evil consistently. He was on a streak. Nobody conspired like this man.
10:35You know, in Surah Al-Munafiqoon and elsewhere, we have in the Quran that Allah says about him that he said, لا تنفق على من عند رسول الله حتى ينفضوا Guys, listen, stop spending on those around the Messenger of Allah so they can desert him already.
10:49They're going to run out of steam and they're going to just go back home. He said that, right? He's campaigning on this. And then the Muslims go out to Uhud, a 3000 man army is coming after them.
11:02They were only able to muster a thousand and they bring them out and he begins to tell people, listen, man, he's not going to fight. He's all talk. In reference to our Prophet, let's go, let's go back. Why risk your lives? He's going to abandon him before he abandons you.
11:15And they defect 300 of them. One third of the army, putting everyone even more jeopardy. Now they march back to Medina before the fight even happens. And then the Muslims are on their way back to Medina.
11:28They get whiff of what they hear. And Allah said it in the Quran that Ibn Salool made a promise that Muhammad will not be allowed back in Medina. Who is this guy? I think he is. Shows up in our city and like two wars in two years.
11:41La in raja'na ila al-madinati la yukhrijanna al-a'azzu minha al-adhal. Allah says that he said, once we get back to Medina, the superior of us, meaning himself, will drive out the disgraceful of us.
11:55In reference to the Prophet (ﷺ). And that is when Umar pleaded with the Prophet (ﷺ), let me kill this man. He deserves to die. Not just that.
12:10His own son, Abdullah Ibn Ubay Ibn Salool says, Ya Rasulullah, let me do it. Because I don't think I can bear to see someone that killed my dad walk the streets. People will taunt me that you did not stand up for your own father.
12:24So I might slip and kill the killer of my father. So let me do it myself. I'll live with myself. And he said, absolutely not. Be good to your dad. Keep ties. Even yes, even in this moment, keep ties with your dad. So he went and he grabbed his father.
12:38He said to him, and you will not enter Medina till you say, Muhammad is the superior one and you're the disgraceful one. And he wouldn't let him go till he said it. And then he didn't stop.
12:49When the Confederates confederated the battle of Al-Ahzab, people from outside and inside Medina are pinching the Muslims to exterminate them once and for all. Who coordinated this whole conspiratorial campaign? It was him, Ibn Salool.
13:04And that wasn't just it. After that, he goes and spreads hideous rumors, accusing the wife of the Prophet (ﷺ). And of course, that's accusing him too. You don't even know who's under your roof, right? A woman that supposedly, allegedly, right?
13:19Commits these shameless acts. He's spreading them. And then he finally dies. The hypocrite dies, finally dies. And the Prophet (ﷺ) is approached by his son.
13:33And this gives you a peek into the personality of his son also, that asked to kill him. It's not like he stopped loving his dad. It's how difficult it was for him. He said, Ya Rasool Allah, can I have your kamees?
13:45Can I have your shirt to bury my father in? Just in case this might make a difference with Allah. That which touch your skin, touch his skin, so his skin doesn't touch the fire. Something like this.
13:58So the Prophet (ﷺ) does what? He gives him his shirt. And he says to him, once you're ready, let me know so we can pray on him. And he goes to the janazah.
14:11And some of the historical reports say that was the longest janazah he prayed (ﷺ). He believed this guy needed it. He messed up more than anyone, needs it more than anyone. He received more care, Ibn Salool, than most of the sahaba.
14:25Think about that. And he prays the janazah on him and steps into the grave (ﷺ). And says, hand me the body. And he receives the body with his blessed hand (ﷺ).
14:36And tucks it into the grave and blows into Ibn Salool's mouth. So the last thing he contracted from this world was the vapor, the breath, the vapor of the Messenger of Allah (ﷺ). In case that may help him.
14:50And then he stands over his grave and he seeks forgiveness for him. And seeks forgiveness for him. And seeks forgiveness for him. And Umar cannot believe it. Ya Rasulullah, you remember what he said?
15:01The superior, you remember he deserted us at Uhud? He took people back? Ya Rasulullah, you remember what he said about your wife? And he kept reminding him of one thing after another until the Prophet (ﷺ) said to him,
15:13Ta'akhar anni ya Umar. Umar, step back. Back off. And he continued to seek forgiveness for him. Even after Allah said,
15:23Inta astaghfir lahum sab'een marratan layaghfirallahu lahum. If you are to seek forgiveness for them 70 times, Allah will not forgive them. He said, la azeedu alas sab'een. I'm going to do it more than 70 times.
15:36Even though this phrase usually means, no matter how many times. He said, let me just try. And then Allah ﷻ will send down another ayah that said, Inta astaghfir lahum aw la tastaghfir lahum falayaghfirallahu lahum.
15:50Whether or not you seek forgiveness for them, without a count now. No count is mentioned. Allah will never forgive them. Because they disbelieved. They died while knowingly rejecting God.
16:02So that and only that was the moment at which he stopped (ﷺ). Aqoolu qawli hadha wa astaghfirullahil adheem alayhi wa alakum.
16:20Alhamdulillahi wahdahu wa s-salatu wa s-salamu ala man la nabiyya ba'da. Ashhadu an la ilaha illallah wahdahu la sharika lahu. Ashhadu anna Muhammadan abduhu wa nabiyyuhu wa rasuluh. And so that is of the wisdoms of maintaining relationships with people.
16:34And overlooking the angry moments of people. So that you can protect your focus and your mission. To save people. Even if they be disbelievers.
16:46Even if they be hypocrites. Even if they try to harm you personally. You're still going to try to help them. If you're trying to be like your Prophet (ﷺ). You know someone may say, wait a minute.
16:59But the Prophet (ﷺ) also went to war with people. So it's not a blank check, unconditional, always an absolute, seeking of forgiveness for people and compassion. If Ibn Salool would have taken up arms,
17:13then he would have seen another virtue from the Prophet (ﷺ). That would be a different moment. A moment for another accolade of our Messenger, which is his bravery. The same man who was ready to forgive anyone,
17:24was the same man who they said nobody was closer to the enemy on the front lines, than the Prophet (ﷺ). Same person. But it was that moment only.
17:35In that moment, yes, valor, fearlessness, courage, all of that. But before that moment, and after that moment, he's still trying to save them again. And again, and again.
17:47Because he sees them as part of his Ummah. Even the disbelievers? Yes, in a sense. This is called the Ummah of Dawah, brothers and sisters. This is the fraternity of humanity.
18:00This is the Ummah that his call, his message applies to. This is not the subset, which inshaAllah we are all a part of. The Ummah that accepted his call. This is the Ummah that he was calling. He said in the other Hadith,
18:14Nobody will hear of me from this Ummah, be they a Jew or a Christian, and does not accept what I have been sent with. Meaning they know the message, recognize its truth, and still reject it, and still die on that.
18:26No one of this Ummah, be they Jew or Christian, hears of me, then does not believe in what was sent with me, except that they will be of the people of the fire. That grieved him. He is not saying that like good riddance.
18:40He said in the other Hadith, also in Sahih Muslim, the example of me and the nation, and the people, is like the example of a man chasing moths, butterflies, that are diving into the fire, and I'm trying to grab them out.
18:53Trying to shoo them away from self-destructing. That was his mission, what he took upon himself. The last thing I will say, is that this doesn't just apply to bringing someone to Islam.
19:05But stay focused on the mission, even with the people, that are within your circle, among the people of Islam. You know the idea of I will even do it 70 times, seek his forgiveness?
19:17There is a Hadith, and I'll close with it, in Sunnah Abu Dawood, from Abdullah Ibn Umar, where he said, that a man came to the Prophet, and said to him, how many times should I forgive my servant?
19:29Like an employee, not even a family member, imagine a family member. How many times should I forgive my servant, in a single day? So he didn't answer, he kept silent, kept silent means what? You shouldn't be asking this question.
19:43Why are we even counting? Do we want Allah to count for us? Do we want him to audit us and scrutinize? Why are you counting? So he wouldn't answer. When he repeated the question a second and a third time, then he said at the third time,
19:5770 times a day, meaning don't count. Be ready, be willing, be prophetic in doing that, may Allah help us and you, and take from his blessed manners,
20:10that which will improve ours, and better our relationships, in ways that will help us better ourselves, and people's after lives. Allahumma Ameen. Allahumma Ghafil lana wa arhamna, wa ahdeena wa ahdee bina, wa a'izzal islam wa mansooril muslimeen, wa ashfee mardaana wa mardaal muslimeen,
20:24wa a'afee mubtalaana wa mubtalaal muslimeen, wa arham mawtana wa mawtaal muslimeen, wa alhamdulillahi rabbil alameen. Al-Fatiha.





































































































































































































































































































